Teen Titans #5

Over Before It's Begun

Story by Scott Lobdell
Pencils by Brett Booth
Inks by Norm Rapmund
Colors by Andrew Dalhouse
Letters by Dezi Sienty
Cover by Booth, Rapmund & Dalhouse
Assistant Editor Katie Kubert
Editor Bobbie Chase

For the first time since issue #1, Kid Flash appears on the cover. I do laugh at the line, "Can any of them defeat Superboy?" Um ... there's only one guy fighting him right now ... Anyway, I do have to say Bart looks rather snazzy in that old Robin outfit — much better than his costume on issue #1's cover. But I am a little perplexed by what's actually happening here. Is Kid Flash somehow summoning lightning to strike Superboy? That would be rather interesting if he was, but ... he doesn't do anything remotely like this in the comic. Yes, he does fight Superboy, but at no point in that fight does Kid Flash cause Superboy to scream out in pain.

We have entered the era of DC including the sketch variants with their digital copies, but obnoxiously turning them horizontal for some unfathomable reason. So I've decided to turn them vertical so that we may actually see what's going on. This cover serves to remind me how much I hate Andrew Dalhouse's work as a colorist. True, I'm no fan of Brett Booth's artwork, but Dalhouse's coloring gives everything a computerized, glossy feel that just makes the whole experience nearly unpalatable for me. However, I don't have any complaints about inker Norm Rapmund. I've seen some of his original artwork, and I thought it was quite good. I actually wish he was the penciller instead of Booth.

Our story opens with Red Robin directing the Teen Titans to attack Superboy, but Superboy strikes first, using his tactile telekinesis to blast up the ground right beneath our heroes' feet. As the Teen Titans ride the tsunami of street, Superboy explains that he was sent by N.O.W.H.E.R.E. to capture Wonder Girl and he threatens to kill the others if they intervene. Kid Flash is the first to strike back, ignoring Red Robin's plea to come up with a plan. Kid Flash initially thought the Teen Titans could help him get back at the goons that kidnapped him, but now that he's in an actual combat situation, he feels like the others are only slowing him down.

Kid Flash starts punching Superboy all over, but Superboy smugly states that since they've touched, he now (somehow) has psionic control over him. He (somehow) starts zipping Kid Flash around him at super speed, boasting how he can think faster than Kid Flash can run. Kid Flash panics and calls out for help, saying his body can't move this fast (again ... somehow). Luckily, Wonder Girl is able to kick Kid Flash free of the vortex, but her kick sends him flying off into the sky and out over the Hudson River.

Solstice takes off after Kid Flash, who is on track to crash into an aircraft carrier that just happens to be in the river on New Year's Eve for some reason. When Solstice catches up to Kid Flash, he's still moving pretty fast, so Solstice insanely shoots a massive blast of light out of her hand to slice the carrier in half, enabling her and Kid Flash to land harmlessly in the water. And if she killed anybody on board that boat ... so what?

By the time Solstice brings the unconscious Kid Flash back to the battle, Superboy has already knocked out Bunker. Red Robin tries talking to Superboy, but he won't listen and knocks Tim out, too. Superboy then finally knocks out Wonder Girl, so Solstice also tries the talking tactic. This almost seems to get Superboy to stop, but he decides to knock her out, as well. However, the combined words of Red Robin and Solstice did get to Superboy, who decides not to turn Wonder Girl over to N.O.W.H.E.R.E. and flies away, leaving our heroes lying in the street.

I initially thought it was a good thing that Scott Lobdell was writing Teen Titans and Superboy. But that turned out to be a mistake. He's not a Teen Titans writer who happens to write Superboy on the side, he's a Superboy writer, who happens to write Teen Titans on the side. Which means that when Superboy meets the Titans, he is presented as the most powerful entity in the universe. Seriously, nobody was even able to get in a hit on the guy. Yeah, his stupid Tron-costume did get torn up a little bit, but Superboy didn't even break a sweat.

It's one thing for our heroes to lose a fight, but getting completely dominated? Well ... I guess I could accept that in rare circumstances ... as long as it made sense. Superboy's defeat of Kid Flash was completely nonsensical. How does his tactile telekinesis work? "You touched me a few seconds ago, which means that I touched you, which means that I now have complete control over your body!" Huh?! And how could Kid Flash be thrown around faster than his body can handle? I know he can't vibrate through solid objects, but is he seriously that weak? This just shows you how little Lobdell cares for the character. He couldn't think of a backstory for him, so he went with the old amnesia cliché. And then he didn't know how to handle Kid Flash in a battle, so he severely depowered him, while simultaneously overinflating Superboy's powers. It's pretty frustrating.

Technically speaking, Kid Flash did appear in the first and sixth issues of Superboy, and normally I would have covered them, but this isn't the real Bart Allen. And those Kid Flash appearances were just a quick glimpse of him. He didn't do or say anything, so he really wasn't there. So we're just going to move on to Teen Titans #6.