Teen Titans #85

First, Do No Harm

Felicia D. Henderson Writer
José Luís Penciller
Mariah Benes Inker
Marcelo Maiolo Colorist
Sal Cipriano Letterer
Luís and Benes with Maiolo Cover
Rachel Gluckstern Editor

Our cover puts Kid Flash front and center, showing him ensnared by a twisting tentacle of dirt and rock. All his teammates behind him are battling actual monsters, which would be fine, if any of this actually happened in the story we're about to read. Bombshell and Aquagirl got swallowed by a giant sea monster last issue — back on Earth, not on the Wyld's world. Miss Martian also stayed behind on Earth and shouldn't be here, either. Superboy shouldn't be using heat vision, but ice vision (don't ask me why, but that's what previous issues established). And there aren't any actual monsters for the Teen Titans to battle on this world. Also, the sky isn't red. But beyond all that, the cover's fine. If nothing else, I am glad that the issue's artists also did the cover so readers at least know what the art inside is going to look like.

Our story picks up with Miss Martian telling Doctors Rochelle and Vincent Barnes that she needs to help her friends fight the Wyld, claiming she now knows how this monster thinks. But the doctors tell Miss Martian there really isn't anything they can do right now, as they'd need Aquagirl and Bombshell to activate the keyhole to send Miss Martian to the Wyld's dimension, but those two heroes aren't responding to their communicators right now. And we see that Aquagirl and Bombshell are still alive and well inside the belly of the beast that swallowed them, but they are having a rather difficult time trying to get out.

Back on the Wyld's world, all our heroes are being electrocuted and have collapsed to the ground. Static Shock manages to soak up the electrical field, but it takes a lot out of him, and he also collapses. Bart complains that he's experiencing his first migraine, and Superboy checks on him before immediately springing to Wonder Girl's side. She asks how Static is, and Kon says he can hear his heartbeat. Beast Boy once again complains that he's the only one who's worried about Raven, but Bart's optimistic that their little "radio" stunt gave Superboy a read on Raven's location. Luckily, Kon confirms that this is true.

Later, in Titans Tower, Vincent reports that the tower's security has been countermanded, locking them out of circuitry, satellite and mobile tower — somehow. Miss Martian scans the doctor's minds and tells them it's time for them to build the device they've secretly been working on. She also reports that the Wyld is unable to rule this world until Raven is dead, and it can't kill Raven until there's a full eclipse.

Meanwhile, in the world of the Wyld, Cassie, Bart and the still unconscious Virgil are riding on the elephant Beast Boy, as Superboy leads the way to Raven. They soon run into a couple of trees, and although Beast Boy easily smashes through the branches, the trees form together one large humanoid shape. Cassie tells Gar to get Static to safety and asks Bart to create a diversion to help her battle the tree monster. Bart starts running around the feet of the monster, but that doesn't seem to do anything, as it easily grabs hold of Kon and Cassie. Superboy is unable to tell if he's actually weaker on this world or if the monster is just that strong.

Beast Boy turns into a T-rex and grabs hold of the tree monster. Superboy and Wonder Girl are both freed from the monster's grasp, and they thank Kid Flash, although I'm not exactly sure what Bart actually did to help. Regardless, Cassie is able to get her lasso around the monster and Superboy smashes its head off.

Our heroes continue their journey to the cave that holds Raven captive, with the pteranodon Beast Boy carrying Bart and Virgil. Kon and Cassie are flying side-by-side up ahead. Kon asks if she's OK, and she stoically says that as team leader, she always has to be all right, even for the guy she loves. Superboy tells himself not to respond to this, for fear of proving he's "whipped." Static finally wakes up and Bart advises him to take it easy after absorbing so much of the Wyld's electricity.

Cassie thanks Virgil for his help back there, although she admits she doesn't know how he did it (or even what he did, if we're being honest with ourselves). Our heroes finally reach the cave, but they're immediately hit by a blast from a fiery geyser. Everyone starts to fall, and Superboy calls out to Cassie and Gar, while Cassie only calls Conner's name. The blast turned Gar back into his human form, and he immediately plays the role of a martyr, begging his teammates to save Raven no matter what. Static asks Kid Flash to shoot a wind tunnel at him before he falls into a pool of lava, but Bart is buried under a pile of rocks and unable to move his legs.

Meanwhile, at Titans Tower, the doctors complete their secret device, after having the requisite conversation about how dangerous it is and how doctors should strive to "do no harm." The device turns out to be a helmet to amplify Miss Martian's telepathic ability, which might allow her to contact her teammates. But as soon as puts the helmet on, Miss Martian becomes possessed by the Wyld, who says the Teen Titans are doomed and he will soon be invincible. The doctors' eyes also turn white, indicating they may also be possessed by the Wyld.




This story is a nonsensical fever dream. Everything is disjointed and completely random. The action scenes are impossible to follow and the awkward dialogue does not match the art. Throw in some clunky exposition and a truly boring plot, and you've got one extremely disappointing comic. I can't wait for this story to end.

Next time, we'll take a welcome break from this fever dream with Action Comics #892.