Tuesday, March 8, 2016

DC One Million 80-Page Giant #1,000,000

Head Games

Chuck Dixon Writer
Drew Johnson Pencils
Rich Faber Inks
Clem Robins Letters
Buzz Setzer Colors
Book separations by Zylonol
Cover by Val Semeiks and Prentis Rollins with color by Lee Loughridge
Superman created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster
Batman created by Bob Kane
Edited by Maureen McTigue

That's right, we've returned to the 853rd century one last time. And it's all for the future version of Impulse that literally did nothing in the main One Million storyline. Maybe he'll do more this time? In any case, he did sneak onto the cover with the millionth clone of Superboy sadly holding the broken-down Robin the Toy Wonder. This is your typical 80-Page Giant with seven separate 10-page stories, with its typical cover — featuring a closeup of the main character(s) with quick glimpses of three of the stories. I am glad the Young Justice Legion S was chosen, but I can't say it's a particularly good image. At least it's not terrible.

Impulse co-creator Mike Wieringo drew one story in this issue, unfortunately that story didn't include Impulse. The first two pages of this issue is a big splash image called The One Million Universe at a Glance by Phil Jimenez with Joe Rosas. It's just every single character from this universe, including Impulse, standing around in a big group. It's nice artwork, but nothing special.

Our story begins with Impulse and Superboy wondering what to do with the inert Robin, who apparently got beat up pretty good during the One Million storyline. Impulse claims Robin the Toy Wonder is now obsolete, but Superboy gets a second opinion by consulting the Eye — a large orbiting supercomputer. Impulse has apparently never heard of the Eye before, and calls it "icky" when he sees it. He also makes a bunch of lame jokes about Eye sounding like "I" and "ay ay," while wondering who the Eye's looking at.

Anyway, the Eye reports only minimal neural activity coming from Robin, and warns that retrieving his electronic consciousness will take surgical skill. Impulse misinterprets this as a go-ahead, and he "blips" into Robin's head, despite protests from Superboy and the Eye. Inside Robin's head, Impulse encounters the robot's security system — a large version of Robin that attacks Impulse with batarangs. Impulse manages to dodge most of the attacks, but things get complicated when Robin's computer reaches deep into the archives to re-create the original Batman, Nightwing, Robin, Azrael, Huntress and even Alfred. Impulse holds his own for a bit before ultimately succumbing to some sort of energy drain.

On the outside, Eye tells Superboy that Robin is feeding off Impulse's energy, and soon, Impulse will cease to be so the robotic Robin might live. Superboy says they need to save Impulse, so the Eye converts Superboy into pure energy and places him in Robin's head, telling him to appeal to Robin as a friend. Superboy is quickly caught by the giant Robin, and he shouts at him, saying that neither he nor Impulse are viruses. Superboy then warns Robin about what Batman would do when he found out Robin had killed his best friends. And this was apparently enough to wake Robin up.

With Superboy and Impulse out of Robin's head, their robotic friend apologizes for his behavior, but Superboy says they understand that he was just defending himself. Superboy fills Robin in on the outcome of the battle with Solaris, then checks in on Impulse, who seems a little sickly after the ordeal. But Impulse bounces back quickly, messing up Superboy's mohawk and teasing him for his large shoulder pads. Robin laughs at his friends, and says it's still good to be back.

So there you have it. Nothing too fancy, but I guess you can't really expect too much from a 10-page story. Still, though, I would have liked to learn a little bit more about Impulse. We've seen him jump into people's heads before, but can he do anything else? Or an even better idea for this story, why not give us the One Million versions of Secret, Arrowette and Wonder Girl? Sadly, we were left with a vague, forgettable story, appropriately accompanied by unremarkable art.

We don't have any letters or editor's notes, but we do have some new ads to check out:

Two engines. One champion. No limits. Star Wars Episode I Racers for Nintendo 64.

Finally, a reason to get up before noon. Game Boy Color.

Out here, got moves so fresh they come with the factory smell. Powerade.

Who is the master spy? Spy vs. Spy on Game Boy Color.

The wild new comedy series about a network run by monkeys. The Chimp Channel on TBS.

A Dark Winter's Knight snow globe sculpted by William Paquet.

From the heart of a dead volcano ... monsters came to crush the Earth! Who can stop them? Giantkiller.

In matters such as these, security is of the utmost importance. Kellogg's Pops.

Next time, Impulse will make a small cameo in the final issue of Resurrection Man. Well, this version of Resurrection Man, anyway.

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