The Flash – “Heart of the Matter, Part 2”

Director: Marcus Stokes

Writers: Eric Wallace and Kelly Wheeler

So here we are, the epic finale of the seventh season of The Flash. Our screenshot skips ahead to the happy ending, with Cisco oddly officiating at a vow renewal ceremony for Barry and Iris, while Nora and Bart watch on awkwardly from the side. But let's save that for the end.

Our episode begins with Bart still in a coma after his fight with the Godspeed clones. Nora and Caitlin cry about him for a bit, while giving us a quick recap of the previous episode. Meanwhile, Barry has journeyed into August Heart's mind to speak with the real Godspeed. He tells the Flash that he hates Impulse because he appears to take his natural speed for granted, whereas Godspeed had to work hard to develop a serum that grants him super speed. Godspeed then promises to reabsorb all his clones if Barry gives him "organic speed," but Barry says that's not only a terrible idea, but also impossible.

Barry regroups with the others, and Nora surprisingly votes to give Godspeed what he wants. Barry and Iris are steadfastly against this, but Jay says if they don't give August organic speed, then they need a big idea. Barry tries to respond cleverly by saying they actually need a fast idea. And after a couple of pointless cutaways, we find out that Barry was referring to the Speed Force itself, which can manifest itself in the form of a woman, because of course it can. The Speed Force says she's going to give them all a boost of power to combat Godspeed, and this boost even includes Iris because she once had super speed back in season whatever. Nora calls this "schway," which is was the futuristic slang word coined by Batman Beyond.

The Speed Force had to work a little harder to wake up Bart, calling him her "impulsive boy." Bart quickly rejoins the others and thanks his "Speed Force Nana" before realizing that Caitlin oddly decided to retouch the silver paint on his fingernails while he was unconscious. Bart's also stunned to see "Uncle Jay" is with them, and Jay finds it odd to be called an uncle, but he graciously welcomes the title. Barry says it's time to end this war, and we dramatically cut to commercial.

All our speedsters then run out into a horde of Godspeed clones, who repeatedly say they must kill "The Adversary" (Bart) and his allies. Impulse opens the fighting with the nonsensical technique that Nora mentioned last episode, of creating lightning throwing stars and launching them like shurikens at four clones. And for whatever reason, these lightning stars instantly knock down their targets. Nora also knocks down four clones with her lightning whip that we saw last time. The Speed Force snaps her fingers and knocks down five clones, causing me to wonder why she can't just take them all out at once. Jay very stupidly knocks down five by throwing his hat at them. Barry and Iris stand back-to-back, while he throws lightning and she creates mini whirlwinds.

Suddenly, all the clones quickly stand up again and the Speed Force realizes that the clones are feeding off her. So she quickly leaves, while the clones surround our heroes. Allegra somehow teleports right into the middle of the fight with Chester's machine, which works correctly this time and knocks all the clones down. So everybody heads back to the lab, where they learn that there are even more Godspeed clones still causing havoc in the city. Nora laments that they threw everything they had at them, which causes me to raise an eyebrow, since that brief fight didn't quite feel like everything.

Our heroes watch the fight between some clones and Frost and Mecha-Vibe (guess he can't just be Vibe anymore), while Chester explains that his machine only affected people with artificial speed. Unfortunately, the device is broken now and it'll take him several weeks to build a new one. Nora repeats her request to give Godspeed what he wants, but Barry and Iris say that as parents, they can't put their kids in danger like that. But Bart says Central City doesn't need parents right now — it needs heroes.

Bart, Nora and Jay then rebuild Chester's machine, but for whatever reason, he said they still need a couple of days before it's up and running. Barry then dramatically enters the room, saying he and Iris have changed their minds and now want to give August organic speed. Bart starts to laugh before realizing it wasn't a joke. Barry credits his kids for changing his mind, saying they've shown him their future starts now.

So they set up August with a weird harness thing and explain that Barry is going to try to channel Speed Force energy into him. Bart realizes they are now creating the future by doing this and everything from this point will be different. Barry pushes some energy into August, who maniacally says he now realizes he likes being the bad guy as he somehow flies away. Barry tells his kids to stay here, saying he and Iris have a plan. Godspeed "flies" up to the roof of S.T.A.R. Labs and pulls all his clones back into himself, just as Barry arrives for one last showdown.

Barry gets off to a bad start in the fight, quickly rolling on the ground like Luke Skywalker being electrocuted by the Emperor, or rather, Godspeed. Bart starts to head out, saying he won't let Godspeed kill anyone he cares about, but Jay stops him, saying they need to trust Barry's plan. And he even repeats that stupid line about it being time to take his hat off.

Suddenly, Eobard Thawne shows up, courtesy of the Speed Force. For whatever reason, Thawne agrees to help take down Godspeed, who then prepares for this new battle by calling down a bolt of lightning, which he then wields like a sword. Barry and Thawne match this by producing their own lightning swords, igniting them as if they were lightsabers. What follows is the most ridiculous fight scene I have ever seen, mercifully ending with Thawne delivering a near-fatal blow to Godspeed. Thawne then tries to attack Barry, but realizes that Barry is now faster than him. So he runs away, vowing to come back and kill him later.

Everybody head back to the lab, where Bart and Nora are now suddenly wearing civilian clothes (did somebody buy them some clothes or what?). Iris explains that she helped the Speed Force tap into the Negative side to free Eobard Thawne, who had apparently been trapped there since season whatever. Bart (who is also now wearing earrings) asks why Barry chose Thawne instead of his children. Barry says that Godspeed was dangerous because he has no limits. Thawne also has no limits, except one: He'll never let anyone else kill Barry. So Barry felt he'd be the perfect ally for this fight, just as long as he was prepared for Thawne to turn on him at the end. And now, even though Thawne is free, Barry isn't worried about him for now. Barry also explains that August is now in Iron Heights and the Speed Force erased part of his memory, so he doesn't know the Flash's secret identity anymore.

Barry then offers to treat everyone to dinner and unnecessarily asks Iris to renew her vows with him. I guess he felt like she didn't get the wedding she deserved or something like that. We then skip ahead to that vow renewal ceremony, which takes place on "the following Tuesday." I don't know how long that was from Godspeed's defeat, but Bart and Nora apparently spent all that time just hanging out in the past with their parents. I guess. 

The ceremony lazily takes place at the West family home (saves on building a new set). Jay and Joan consider renewing their vows, and Joe West and Cecile start to consider getting married themselves. Thanks to a last-minute web search, Cisco claims authority to officiate the ceremony while wearing a S.T.A.R. Labs stole. Cisco begins the proceedings by handing the microphone to Bart, who then proceeds to sing an original song called "1949." Barry calls the song "crash," but Bart says it's too weird to hear his dad use that word. Cisco then calls this ceremony the greatest sequel since The Empire Strikes Back, and Barry and Iris exchange incredibly cheesy and sappy vows. The husband and wife then kiss, with Barry using his speed to romantically slow down time around them.

I almost fell off the couch laughing at this episode. And I was laughing for all the wrong reasons. I had no idea this show was capable of descending to such ludicrous levels. We're talking about off-the-wall sheer insanity that is only the result of the supreme, inexcusable laziness of everyone involved from the actors to the writers to the wardrobe department. I'm 90% sure that Bart's civilian clothes were just what Jordan Fisher happened to be wearing that day, since those are the same earrings he typically wears in real life.

I am glad that Fisher wasn't asked to do too much again. He was a lot more comfortable in this episode, especially once he got out of that ridiculous costume. I am curious about the story behind Bart's song. Did Jordan Fisher demand the opportunity to perform an original song, or did the show runners specifically seek him out (or another singer) because they had this idea? In either case, it really doesn't feel like Bart's character to sing a slow-paced ballad — even for his parents. This whole episode was yet another example of people telling us how impulsive Bart is, while we never get to see him do anything impulsive.

Nobody really wanted to be here. And who could blame them? "OK, Candice (Iris), in this scene, you're acting as the anchor for the Speed Force. So just stand there and kind of close your eyes a bit. Good enough!" Jesse L. Martin (Joe) and John Wesley Shipp (Jay) looked like they were in physical pain just being on set. Carlos Valdes (Cisco) could barely muster the energy to get through his lackluster jokes.

But as usual, the greatest sins were committed by the script. Defeating Godspeed was what this whole season had been building up to. And after a fight scene that I cannot overstate how ridiculous was, we quickly jumped to Grant Gustin revealing August Heart's fate in just a couple of lines of dialogue. No. We needed to see Godspeed be incarcerated. We needed to know if he still has his speed or not. And why is everyone so nonchalant about erasing August's memory? Didn't they see the anguish his amnesia had been causing him?

Last episode seemed to be setting a special Impulse/XS combined attack. But that never came up here. Both episodes spent an inordinate amount of time on Chester's stupid machine, which ultimately accomplished nothing, other than pad out the show. A show that bizarrely thought a three-way lightsaber duel would be the best way to wrap up the season. A lightsaber duel completely without Bart's involvement. Remember how Godspeed was supposed to be his arch enemy? Yeah, this show forgot about that, too. They quickly threw away one line of dialogue about Godspeed loathing Bart's impulsive nature, but that was it! Bart Allen really had no business being involved in this story. And his status for the next season is uncertain. Are Bart and Nora still trapped in 2021 or can they finally return to the future? Nobody said either way, because nobody cares.

Honestly, I hope Bart doesn't return. Unless this show gets a major overhaul, it will only be a disservice to the legacy of this character. And it's a terrible shame, since there is so much storytelling potential with Impulse. Like I said last time, this show should have played up the Allen-Thawne romantic dynamic of Bart's parents. And if they wanted to play around with unique, bizarre super-speed powers, they should have brought back Bart's scouts. Wouldn't that have been a better ending than randomly bringing in Eobard Thawne? Jay tells Bart to stay in the lab, and Bart says, "OK. I'll stay, but he won't." And he creates a golden energy scout right there that races off to give Barry the edge he needs to win. A simple solution that would have helped this episode a whole lot. Not enough to redeem it, granted, but it would have been better than what we got. Heck, anything would have been better than that hallucinatory light show that tried to call itself a fight.

Next time? I honestly don't know. I pray this isn't goodbye — I'd hate to end this blog on such a sour note. But currently, there are no plans for Impulse to appear in any comics in the foreseeable future. Hopefully Kid Flash will show up in the Young Justice animated show, which should debut its fourth season in October. In the meantime, I guess we'll just have to watch and wait.

The Flash – “Heart of the Matter, Part 1”

Director: Eric Dean Seaton 

Writers: Eric Wallace and Lauren Barnett

Well, here we are. Jordan Fisher is Impulse in all his silvery glory. Next to him is his older sister, Nora, aka XS. And in front of them is their mother, Iris, who technically was stuck in the Still Force or something like that, but was able to come back temporarily, I guess. I don't know. It's needlessly complicated and very stupid and ultimately doesn't matter. So, on that upbeat note, let's dive into the first full appearance of Bart Allen on The Flash.

Our story begins in Central City in 2049, which mostly looks the same except for annoyingly large holograms on the top of each building. Godspeed is running through the conveniently empty streets, ranting about "infinite velocity" and how all will bow down to him. Suddenly, XS ensnares him with a purple whip that she somehow created with her Speed Force energy. But she doesn't keep the whip on him for long, enabling Godspeed to blast her with a bolt of lightning from his fingertips, just like the Emperor in Star Wars. But before Godspeed can get in a second attack on the floored XS, Impulse comes zooming in behind Godspeed and vibrates through the villain.

As Godspeed collapses on the ground, Bart laughs about how "crash" that was. Nora, however, is upset and lectures her little brother on risking quantum entanglement with that stunt. But while the siblings argue, Godspeed disappears. Luckily, their computer is able to tell them that Godspeed has run off to the Flash Museum, which is actually the old S.T.A.R. Labs building that Barry uses in the current time, with the addition of an ugly gold statue of the Flash placed in a completely empty parking lot. Anyway, our heroes find Godspeed using the Cosmic Treadmill to travel back through time and they decide to follow him.

We then cut back to good ol' 2021, where Nora and Bart are talking with Barry and Chester P. Runk (who has nothing in common with the Chunk of the comics!). Apparently, the Godspeed they battled in the future, August Heart, is now residing at S.T.A.R. Labs with no super speed or memory of who he really is. And for whatever reason, there are dozens of clones of Godspeed (still with their powers) constantly battling each other out on the streets.

Chester formally introduces himself to the "kids" (can I call them kids when they're in their 20s?) but Nora and Bart already know him, and Bart reminds Chester to help him with his homework in the future. They also already know Cecile (the team empath, who was originally based on a nonpowered lawyer from the comics) and Caitlin (the nonpowered human half of the formerly evil Killer Frost — ugh! Why is everything so convoluted?!).

Cecile is happy to have some added muscle for their war against the Godspeed clones, but Nora says they need to protect the timeline and return to the future. But Barry points out that with those clones drawing energy from the Speed Force, there's no way for them to travel through time right now. In other words, Bart and Nora are stuck here until they defeat Godspeed. So they all get to work. Caitlin and Cecile leave to help August regain his memories, while Chester shows off a machine that should drain the artificial speed powers from the clones. He just needs an hour to finish charging it.

We then cut to an excruciatingly unfunny scene of Bart eating Chinese food very quickly and burping. After a nonsensical reference to the "other Nora" from the previous timeline, an alert comes in of some Godspeed clones causing some trouble. So Barry and his kids race off to save the day, with Barry ordering Nora and Bart to make sure no civilians are in harm's way. This is an entirely pointless order, as there is not a single bystander to be found on these ghost-town streets. 

Bart darkly says they should let the Godspeed clones kill each other. Before Barry can respond, the clones stop fighting each other and menacingly move toward our heroes. Barry tells everybody to split up and keep running until the clones have to leave to recharge. However, all the clones choose to follow Bart, calling him "The Adversary." Barry tells Bart to circle back so they can all face the clones together, but Bart tries to lead them out of the city instead. However, he's knocked down by a clone and instantly surrounded. All the Godspeeds dramatically raise one hand sparking with energy, but before they can strike, they all disappear in a flash of lightning. When Barry and Nora catch up, Barry asks why the clones went after Bart. Nora and Bart exchange dark glances as we dramatically head into a commercial break.

When we come back, everybody's back in the lab and Barry is starting to yell at his adult children. Nora says they can't answer his question, but Bart just blurts out that Godspeed is his "Thawne," aka his arch nemesis. Barry tells Bart not to casually throw around the name of the man who murdered his mother, to which Jordan Fisher tries — and fails — to act angry. Nora tries to calm everyone down by suggesting she and Bart go train and work on their "Fathwoom Boom," whatever that is.

Meanwhile, Chester asks yet another metahuman character, Allegra (in the comics, she was the daughter of the obscure villain Wavelength), to use her electromagnetic powers to charge his machine. Iris makes her underwhelming return from the Still Force, saying she's only here temporarily because reasons. And Jay Garrick is kidnapped by the Godspeed clones.

When we return to Bart, he's being chastised by Nora for being unable to catch a ball of his lightning despite being able to throw stars with it. She tells him to start focusing and stop parkouring off every surface he sees. Luckily this boring argument is interrupted by the arrival of Iris. Bart wants to show off the new move he's been working on to use against Godspeed, but Barry forbids him from going out into the field. Iris agrees with her husband, saying the fight with Godspeed is too personal for Bart. Bart insists that he can keep his cool, but Nora says he can't. So Bart gets sad and runs away. Nora tells Barry that she's known Bart for 19 years and says she'll talk to him.

We find Bart at the West family house, which, according to Nora, is where he always goes when he's angry. Bart accuses her of turning on him and says she doesn't understand the pain Godspeed has caused. Poor Jordan Fisher then has to try to act very sad — which he can't do convincingly — and talk about how Godspeed murdered "Uncle Jay" right in front of him. Bart talks about how Barry and "Uncle Wally" (who's conspicuously absent in this season finale) both taught him how to run and meditate, but Jay was the only one who really understood him and saw his impulsiveness as an asset, not a flaw.

Bart wishes they could tell Barry about this, so then he'd understand that Bart has to be the one to take Godspeed down. (Of course, Bart didn't display any of this angst during this episode's opening scene, but that's beside the point.) Nora asks Bart what he thinks Jay would tell him right now, so Bart pull out a cheesy old quote from Jay: "Sometime you have to take your hat off." Bart symbolically pretends to take off a hat and Nora promises to take Godspeed down, as long as Bart stays in the house.

Allegra fails to charge Chester's machine because she's too sad about her sister's death or some other nonsense like that. So Barry charges it with the Speed Force and he and Nora try out the machine on the clones. However, Barry's charges caused the machine to work incorrectly, and the Godspeed clones soon began to ... steal Speed Force energy from Barry and Nora? I guess? All I know for sure is it looked very silly to have those clones slowly walk forward with their arms hanging by their sides, while a mini vortex of wind shot out from their chests. Barry protects Nora and is suddenly saved by Frost, who showed up out of nowhere. Of course, Frost is only able to knock the clones down, giving Barry enough time to pick up the injured Nora and retreat to the lab.

At the lab, Chester apologizes for not realizing that Barry's energy would make his machine strengthen the clones, and he runs off to give Allegra a long, boring pep talk so she can produce enough energy to make the machine work properly. Barry, meanwhile, confides to Iris that even with that machine, they don't have enough manpower. Bart suddenly appears, revealing that he had been hiding in the room, vibrating so fast that he became invisible — even invisible to Barry and Nora.

But to Bart's dismay — and Nora's shock — Barry doesn't want either one of them to continue the fight against Godspeed. The kids protest, but Iris stands with Barry, who even goes as far as threatening to lock up Bart and Nora until this war is over. The kids run off in a huff and their parents rededicate themselves to stopping Godspeed now to prevent him from tormenting their family in the future. Mercifully, the plot finally returns in the form of a Godspeed clone somehow figuring out how to hack into the S.T.A.R. Labs computers to deliver a message: "Turn over The Adversary or the one he loves will die — Jay Garrick!"

Bart and Nora overhear this and Bart naturally wants to spring into action, telling his dad they don't have time to come up with a plan. Chester tracks down the source of that transmission — Zauriel Cathedral (named after the angelic hero Zauriel) on Morrison Avenue (named after writer Grant Morrison). Bart instantly takes off and Nora needlessly tells Barry that he has to save Bart since he's likely running into a trap. (Seriously, Nora, did you think Barry wouldn't have saved him?) Barry agrees, and to Nora's surprise, asks her to come along.

Bart blasts into the cathedral and is horrified to see Jay's helmet on the ground. Suddenly, a bunch of Godspeed clones appear and throw an injured Jay at Bart's feet. When Bart realizes he's surrounded, one of the clones says his inability to suppress his rash nature shall be his undoing. By the time Nora and Barry arrive, one of the clones has Bart suspended high in the air with two mini whirlwinds blasting from his hands. Bart's screaming and I can only assume his powers are being drained, even though this looks quite different from that earlier scene of draining Barry and Nora. Or maybe that wasn't a power drain at all, but just some weird energy blast? Who knows.

Nora yells out to all the clones, "You want speed? Take mine!" And even though the clones only care about killing Bart, they all tack off after Nora — all of them except the one actively draining Bart. That clone keeps Bart up with one hand and aims a whirlwind attack at Barry. But Barry runs through the "draining blast" and keeps on running right through the clone himself, causing him to collapse. He then catches Bart just before he hits the ground and Jay conveniently decides to wake up. Nora returns with five clones right behind her. Barry and Jay prepare to pick up Bart and retreat, but more clones show up out of nowhere and surround our heroes.

Jay stupidly says, "Let's give them heck, Flash!" But before any fighting can occur, the cathedral doors slam open, dramatically revealing Cisco, aka Vibe (who used to have a much larger role on this show). Vibe hits all the clones with a purple energy that freezes them in place just long enough for the speedsters to make their escape, as Nora begins to cry that Bart won't wake up.

They hook Bart up to some medical equipment at the lab, and Caitlin reports that he's in some sort of comatose state and whatever speed he had left is being used to keep him alive. Nora blames herself and Jay explains that the Godspeed clones basically sucked him dry by the time Bart arrived. Barry explains that he decided to mimic Bart when he took down that one clone, saying it sometimes pays to be impulsive (even though phasing through Godspeed only knocked him down for a few seconds, but whatever). Vibe also blames himself for not arriving fast enough to save Bart. But everybody is quickly able to formulate a new, bizarre plan — sending Barry's consciousness into August Heart's.

This is bad. Like really, really bad. Like Mexican soap opera bad. I never thought I would actually miss Smallville, but here we are.

So what happened to this show? I can't say for sure. But I can say what it feels like. Everyone seems bored here. The actors, the writers, the costume designers, everyone. They're bored with the power of super speed, so they've resorted to making up nonsensical powers that are only tangentially related to speed. The story feels like the writers just made it up as they went, too lazy to go back and fix any continuity errors or even attempt to make their techno babble comprehensible. The budget is stretched too thin to afford any extras in the background or make the costumes look half-decent — that Godspeed suit is straight out of Power Rangers. It is embarrassing to watch this show.

But what about Bart? I think the kindest thing I can say is that there's a lost of wasted opportunities here. Let's start from the top: Making Bart Barry's son instead of grandson. The children of Barry and Iris are boring. That's why there's hardly any stories about them over the past 50 years. But Barry's grandchildren are interesting. Bart was the child of an Allen and a Thawne — a classic Romeo-Juliet forbidden romance that this soap opera show would have eaten up!

In the comics, Bart was raised in a virtual reality a thousand years in the future. This made him completely oblivious to the concept of danger and essentially turned him into a living video game character, blissfully bouncing around everywhere he went, heedless of the consequences. This show had none of that. You can keep saying he's impulsive, but unless you actually show him being impulsive, then it doesn't count. Yes, I know Bart becomes quite interesting when trauma makes him super focused and serious. But that only works when you've established the baseline of Bart's impulsiveness. This show was too impatient to do that, robbing itself of a decent storyline.

I highly suspect that Eric Wallace and Lauren Barnett didn't read any comics in preparation for this episode and chose instead to watch some Young Justice. That really explains everything from his costume design to his use of the word "crash." And maybe that wouldn't have been so bad if they hadn't also shoehorned Bart into this convoluted Godspeed storyline. In order to justify Bart's random inclusion, they decided to arbitrarily make Godspeed his arch nemesis. They never say why that is, only that Godspeed killed Jay to torment Bart. A flashback of that scene would have been really helpful, but we were instead left with Jordan Fisher pretending to cry on a couch. But that's not even the worst part. Why was Bart so nonchalant during their fight with Godspeed in 2049? That goofy little battle is in direct contradiction with the rest of the episode.

Are there any positives? Sure. I liked how Fisher was always slightly off-kilter whenever he ran into a room. Of course, his costume was too stiff to allow him to really play around with that, which is such a tragedy, given Fisher's dancing background. Fisher did display a nice enthusiasm at times. Unfortunately, this awful script asked him to do a few things out of his wheelhouse. But if we had gotten to know this character a bit more, and maybe even seen Jay be killed, then there's a chance Fisher could have pulled off those emotional moments. Maybe. 

The family dynamic had some potential, but was mostly cheesy. It could have been fun to see Grant Gustin in old-man makeup in 2049, but again, this is a very lazy show. Ultimately, it is just a bit sad and weird that Bart is so old. In the comics, when he was 19, he was the Flash. Not that I'm saying we need to adapt that storyline! It's just ... this doesn't feel like Impulse. A pale imitation. Well, I think I've ranted on long enough.

Next time, the "thrilling" season finale!

The Flash – “P.O.W.”

Director: Marcus Stokes

Writers: Kristen Kim and Dan Fisk

Don’t worry, that’s not a picture of the new live-action Impulse. It’s longtime Green Arrow sidekick John Diggle, who’s been making the rounds of all the Arrowverse shows to promote what may be an upcoming Green Lantern series. Maybe. I don’t know and don’t really care. The fact of the matter is Diggle basically accomplishes nothing in this episode, randomly arriving at the beginning and leaving in an even more abrupt manner in the end.

Of course, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. This year has been a hard one for Bart Allen. In January, an alternate version of Bart was presented and killed in the first few pages of a Future State issue. In March and April, the regular Flash comic series had Wally West possess Bart’s body — but we didn’t actually see Bart do anything. In May, Bart made very minor cameos in Suicide Squad and Teen Titans Academy — cameos so inconsequential, I decided to not officially review them. And that brings us to July, when we finally got another appearance of a version of Bart Allen. And this is a pretty big one.

The Flash debuted on The CW in 2014, spinning out of the grim, gritty Arrow. After years of Smallville and Arrow embarrassedly burying anything that felt too much like a superhero, The Flash was a breath of fresh air. The first two seasons were engaging, entertaining and exciting. But repetition hampered Season 3, as the show slowly, but surely, morphed into little more than a soap opera in colorful costumes. That’s when I bowed out. To come back now three years later, I’m a little sad to see so many of the same actors stuck in the same rut. Squeeze into an ill-fitting, ugly costume. Stand perfectly still and apart from everybody on your marks. Spout out a few nonsensical lines of dialogue. And, when called upon, pretend to cry real hard. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Hey, I guess it’s a paycheck. Is there an audience for this drivel? Apparently yes. Albeit a rapidly dwindling one.

Anyway, our episode begins with Barry Allen having a troubling dream about his daughter, Nora. In the comics, Barry and Iris had twins — a boy and a girl named Don and Dawn. But on this show, they had a daughter who was born with super speed and became the hero XS (instead of Barry’s granddaughter, Jenni Ognats, from the comics). Nora has previously shown up in a few time-traveling adventures, so Barry isn’t surprised to see her. But he is disturbed by her message of the future changing and the way she dramatically fades away to nothing.

Barry wakes up to a long, confusing and boring “war” between a seemingly infinite number of Godspeed clones. As I previously stated, John Diggle shows up to help, but ultimately accomplishes nothing before he abruptly leaves for mysterious reasons. And there are bunch of pointless side plots that only serve to stall for time, since the budget demands all the real action not occur until the two-part season finale beginning next episode. The only part of this episode that we actually care about comes at the very end. Nora suddenly shows up in Barry’s lab and awkwardly introduces her little brother, Bart, who arrives just about 30 seconds after her. He calls Barry “Pops” and proclaims the lab “crash” as credits role. 

Played by Jordan Fisher, this version of Bart wears a costume very similar to the original Impulse outfit, although with gold lightning trim and silver instead of white. Instead of the long, flowing hair of the comics, this Bart has lightning bolts shaved into the side of his head underneath a curly top. He has also painted his fingernails silver — a rather distracting choice. After Kyle Gallner in Smallville, Fisher is just the second actor to portray Bart in a live-action show. His appearance in this episode is far too brief to give a fair review. But I will say his costume is unflattering. It makes Fisher look fat, which is unfortunate because he’s not, having come from a dancing/singing background. I’ll also question the use of the word “crash.” Impulse used that word in the animated Young Justice because he grew up in a world controlled by the Reach and he was obsessed with literally crashing their mode. It wasn’t just a random word that sounded fun.

Those are my only nitpicks for now. Don’t worry, I’ll have a lot more complaints when I review the next two episodes. For now, I’ll just say that I am glad that Bart has finally shown up on this show. I’m just sad that it’s now a pale imitation of what it once was. There never was a chance for this Bart Allen to be as lovable as the Bart from the comics.

Next time, we begin the two-part season finale of The Flash.

The Flash #769

Blink of An Eye Chapter Two

Jeremy Adams Writer

David Lafuente & Brandon Peterson Artists

Mike Atiyeh & Luis Guerrero Colorists

Steve Wands Letterer

Brandon Peterson & Mike Atiyeh Cover

Zi Xu Variant Cover

Bixie Mathieu Assistant Editor

Mike Cotton Editor

Jamie S. Rich Group Editor

Our cover shows Wally West and Gold Beetle running away from a giant Dominator in the future. This is a mostly accurate representation of the story, with the exception being Wally possessing Bart Allen’s body. Oddly, even though the outside world sees Impulse like normal, Wally (and the reader) sees himself as regular adult Wally West just dressed like Impulse. Anyway, the cover is fine, nothing too catchy. Sadly, the real Impulse is nowhere to be seen on this or the variant cover.

Our story picks up with Barry Allen, Mr. Terrific and Green Arrow adjusting their equipment to continue communicating with Wally. Strangely, Barry regained a portion of his super speed when the raptor exploded and blasted Wally’s consciousness to the future. And when we catch up with Wally, we see that he (or rather Bart) is wearing a power-dampening collar (which he was not wearing last issue).

Gold Beetle has to push Wally off a building to save them from the giant Dominator. Still believing she’s talking to Bart, Gold blames him for growing that alien to the size of “Gorkong.” Wally is confused by all this, but especially the fact that his powers aren’t working. Gold drops a line about the collar having an anti-cloak field, which would explain why we didn’t see it last issue, but doesn’t explain why we did see it on the previous page. Anyway, our heroes land in Gold Beetle’s ship, which is uselessly smaller on the inside.

Gold Beetle blames Bart for messing up the time stream continuum in an attempt to get revenge against the Dominator who killed his dad. Barry begins speaking with Wally again, and Gold Beetle surprisingly can also hear Barry, thanks to her headnet from the 853rd century. Gold is thrilled once she realizes she’s talking to Wally, someone she’s had lots of adventures with in her past. But for Wally, this is the first time they’re meeting. Gold references one of their previous missions and even calls him Captain, which confuses Wally, who was planning to retire before this whole mess began. Gold laughs at the idea of Wally retiring, saying he still has five more crises to live through.

Gold Beetle then asks an interesting question: Where is Bart? However, Gold’s robot, Beets, quickly dismisses this intriguing idea by saying Bart’s “conscious self was probably sublimated” … whatever that means. Barry then tells Gold they believe the Speed Force is hurt and is using Wally to try to heal itself. So Gold has Beets pull up video footage of the recent chronal  disturbance caused by Bart during his encounter with the Dominator.

The video shows a big blast of light suddenly erupt from Bart’s chest. Barry, who can somehow see what Wally sees, identifies this as Speed Force energy. Wally hypothesizes the energy is looking for conduits at their weakest point, like a leak in a fuel line causing pressure to drop. Barry agrees with this theory, saying it feels like the Speed Force is now regaining equilibrium. The video continues to show the energy from Bart blasting the Dominator into the wall and then causing him to rapidly grow to the size of giant.

Mr. Terrific suggests the Speed Force may affect various physiologies differently in an attempt to account for the dinosaur gaining super speed, but the Dominator increasing in size. Barry and Wally don’t disagree with that assessment, but right now they’re more worried about the Dominator exploding like the raptor did. The two Flashes begin to form a plan to siphon energy off the giant alien, and Wally asks Barry if he still has the device Inertia used on him (I have no idea what he’s referencing). Wally has Barry put the device in a time capsule, so he’ll be able to grab it in the future. As Wally and Gold head to the Flash Museum, she asks if his son Jai is still single. Wally says Jai is only 8, but Gold says he’s older when she first meets him.

For absolutely no reason, Green Arrow and Mr. Terrific join Barry in visiting the Flash Museum in civilian clothes. They discuss at length the operating costs of the museum and its gift shop, but Barry doesn’t say a word about the device that Inertia supposedly used against him. Luckily, the device is no larger than a pen, and Barry is able to discreetly place it in the time capsule, which turns out to be a bust of Jay Garrick.

In the future, Wally prepares to break into the Flash Museum, but Gold Beetle warns him that the museum’s security defenses are specifically targeted to stop speedsters — mostly Bart — and Rogues. Wally asks how they should break in then, and Gold responds by saying they do exactly Bart has done a dozen times — be impulsive. She crashes through the museum’s roof, which summons an army of Flash robots. Wally quickly snags the bust and Gold takes care of the robots with a flare of bright light that blinds the bots long enough to cover their escape. Gold calls the security droids terrible and says she now understands why the museum gets ransacked every couple of decades.

Barry tells Wally to not turn on the device until he’s placed it on the target, but he still fails to provide anymore information on it. When Gold asks Wally how they’re going to accomplish this, he suggests they continue acting impulsive like Bart. Barry then hypothesizes that once Wally shuts off this Speed Force leak, he’ll be pulled to another conduit that’s been weakened. In other words, as Wally says, he’s going to keep bouncing around from speedster to speedster until he stops all the surges. As for what happens after that, nobody knows. Barry is worried that Wally won’t have a body, and Mr. Terrific offers to build one for him, but Wally strongly disagrees with the idea of being an android.

In the meantime, Wally and Gold reach the giant Dominator, and in her quest to be impulsive, Gold slams her ship into the back of the alien’s head. Wally jumps out of the ship, runs up the Dominator’s arm, and jokes about the alien’s breath being so bad that it dominates everything. He continues to joke, pretending to be a baseball player, as he tosses the device into the Dominator’s mouth. Wally jumps back onto the ship as the alien rapidly shrinks back down to normal size. Barry tells Wally to be prepared to be pulled back into the Speed Force stream and he asks Gold Beetle to retrieve and dispose of the device the Dominator swallowed. Gold tells Barry she’ll do that, but she has a sarcastic smirk on her face that suggests she won’t.

Gold Beetle then wraps Wally up in a big hug to give her final goodbyes to her Captain. She asks him not to attack her the first time they meet, and Wally whispers something in her ear like Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation. Then Wally is gone, replaced by Bart, who is quite confused to have Gold Beetle so lovingly hugging him. Bart says he promised to not “break time again,” but Gold ignores him and continues to have her moment, as Wally is sent back to World War II.

Well, that was certainly something. Wally West got to have a mildly fun adventure in the future dressed as Impulse. But the real Bart was virtually nonexistent during the whole story. We learned that Bart is in the future, battling Dominators with Gold Beetle. But that’s it. We don’t know why or when he decided to abandon Young Justice and Max Mercury and everybody he knows and loves. I’m not opposed to having Impulse in the future — I just want to actually see him there doing things. Having Wally choosing to act impulsively in Bart’s honor isn’t enough for me.

The art was very difficult for me. Everything has a rubbery, computerized feel to it. But that complaint is quite minor compared to the sheer convenience of everything in this story. Wally’s lost in the future, but a competent ally with a capable form of transportation immediately shows up. He has no difficulties communicating with Barry in the past, and every single one of their guesses about this mystery proves correct on the first try. Wally has a power-dampening collar that is promptly removed without any difficulty. There’s a giant alien lurking around that fails to threaten anything and is instantly defeated with a mysterious device that we’ve never heard of before. (Seriously, Inertia has never utilized any device against Barry Allen. The closest I can think of is the machine he had the Rogues build to take down adult Bart. But that was completely different.) 

There were no stakes in this story, but there were grave consequences for our buddy Bart Allen. He is now essentially trapped in no man’s land — too far removed from anything for anyone to use him in another comic. Adams seems to have no desire to do anything with Bart, other than a convenient way to show off his original character, Gold Beetle. Until somebody does something drastic like bring back Young Justice or actually tell a story with the full Flash family, I don’t think we’re going to see Impulse in the comics again. So, in the meantime, let’s drown our sorrows in the new house ads:

Uncover the darkest corners of Gotham alongside its legendary protector! Legends of the Dark Knight.

Batman vs. Snake Eyes! Zeropoint.

DC Nation spotlight on Robin #1. Interview with Joshua Williamson and Gleb Melnikov.

Next time … well, technically, Bart did make minor cameos in Suicide Squad and Teen Titans Academy … but those were just pictures of him on a TV screen or whatever. I could review those issues, but, frankly, I wouldn’t have anything to say about them. So, I’ll just skip ahead to the debut of Bart Allen on the live-action Flash show!

The Flash #768

 Blink of An Eye Chapter One

Jeremy Adams Writer

Brandon Peterson, Marco Santucci, David Lafuente Artists

Mike Atiyeh, Arif Prianto, Luis Guerrero Colorists

Steve Wands Letterer

Peterson & Atiyeh Cover

Ian MacDonald Variant Cover

Nixie Mathieu Assistant Editor

Mike Cotton Editor

Jamie S. Rich Group Editor

Superman created by Jerry Siegel & Joe Shuster.

By special arrangement with the Jerry Siegel family.

Our cover is a very busy, perplexing, almost horrifying image of Wally, Jay, Bart and some random caveman screaming in terror. Behind them are glimpses of the prehistoric age, World War II and the future. It’s not a bad cover, but not an enjoyable one. And, strictly speaking, the elements with Jay here don’t play out for a couple of issues. I guess they were planning ahead to the collected trade with this cover. Also, we are now officially in the “Infinite Frontier” world, which, as far as I can tell, doesn’t seem to have changed anything.

Our story begins with Wally West giving Barry Allen a rather unusual request: to take away his super speed. Wally is exhausted from all the trauma he’s had to endure over the past few years and is ready to retire. But he knows if he still has his powers, he’ll never fully quit. Barry is initially hesitant, but Green Arrow talks him into granting Wally’s wishes.

The two Flashes begin to race around the world so Barry can do to Wally what he had previously done to Eobard Thawne. But when it comes time to separate Wally from the Speed Force, something odd happens. Wally disappears in a big explosion, and Barry wakes up powerless in France. And off panel, Wallace, Max and Jay all report losing their speed, too.

With the help of Mr. Terrific and Green Arrow, Barry is able to communicate with Wally, who has somehow traveled back in time millions of years and is now inhabiting the body of a caveman. And to complicate things, he seems to have somehow inadvertently “infected” a nearby raptor with super speed, launching him on a high-speed chase over volcanoes and through jungles, all while he and Barry try to unravel this mystery. Their best theory so far is that the Speed Force is somehow damaged and it decided to pull Wally back into itself to heal. And the random caveman just happened to be susceptible to super speed.

This doesn’t explain the raptor, which suddenly begins to shake and erupt in a huge explosion of lightning. Wally tries to outrace the blast, but he’s eventually engulfed in the light. When he comes to, he finds himself in the future and in the body of our lovable Bart Allen.

Oddly, Wally still sees himself as Wally (just dressed as Impulse), while his reflection shows the normal 14-year-old Bart, which may have inspired Wally’s joke about Bart’s costume being so snug. Barry urges Wally to find a time-travel device, but before he can, he’s joined by Gold Beetle — a girl inspired by Booster Gold and the Blue Beetle. She urges Impulse to run, as a gigantic Dominator alien looms over them.

This is our first Flash issue after the departure of Joshua Williamson, and I have to admit I’m rather intrigued. Williamson had sought to redeem Wally by insisting he had been manipulated by an outside force (the Reverse-Flash). Scott Lobdell tried to redeem Wally by making him the most powerful being in the universe (via the Mobius Chair). Jeremy Adams, so far, seems to want to redeem Wally by sending him on a journey through time that will show him just how important he is to the Speed Force. And this approach is by far my favorite. I’m not a fan of the art in this issue, but the story does show promise.

However, I do have to ask why Impulse is in the future. His appearance there was so jarring, I was convinced that I must have missed an issue that sent him there. But I didn’t. Adams wanted to send Wally to the future and instead of using John Fox or XS (a bold choice) or any of the other countless futuristic speedsters we’ve met, he chose Bart. Now, Williamson had hinted at the possibility of Bart being sent back to the future during the big confrontation against the Reverse-Flash. And that could have been a really cool sacrifice. But that didn’t happen. And Bart stayed around to have a celebratory barbecue and even participate in the big Death Metal fight (sort of).

The really sad thing here is that since Adams has unceremoniously stashed Bart away in the future, that means nobody will touch him. Young Justice has been canceled. The Legion of Super-Heroes can’t save him. And Adams has refused to use Bart beyond this issue and the next. If it wasn’t for the CW Flash show, I’d have absolutely no Impulse content to look forward to in 2021. In the meantime, let’s look at the house ads:

The Dark Knight must face Fortnite’s greatest heroes in a battle to solve reality’s most dangerous mystery. Zero point.

Robin #1. The kid gloves are off! Written by Joshua Williamson. Art by Gleb Melnikov.

DC Nation spotlight on Green Lantern #1.

Next time, we’ll wrap up Bart’s involvement with this story in The Flash #769.

Future State: The Flash #1

Death Race Part One

Brandon Vietti Writer

Dale Eaglesham Artist

Mike Atiyeh Colors

Steve Wands Lettering

Brandon Peterson Cover

Kaare Andrews Variant Cover

Nicola Scott & Annette Kwok Wonder Woman 1984 Variant Cover

Marquis Draper Assistant Editor

Mike Cotton Editor

Alex R. Carr Group Editor

Our cover is a bleak, dark, grotesque image of an evil Wally West killing Barry Allen, Max Mercury, Jay Garrick and Avery Ho. It’s an unnecessarily grim reminder that DC has had no clue what to do with Wally for the past 15 years. Fortunately, Bart was spared this carnage, but we’ll soon find out why. I will say one good thing about this cover, though. I absolutely love the design for The Flash logo with the lightning bolt in the A. The Flash has never had a good letterhead logo and I’m thrilled they’re moving forward with this one.

Future State was a series of short Elseworlds stories that were apparently “shaken loose” by the Death Metal event. Sure. Whatever they want to say. In any case, this story on an alternate world begins with Barry, Max, Jay and Avery ambushing the Checkmate Headquarters in the Swiss Alps. But these speedsters have all lost their super speed and are instead relying on weapons stolen from the Rogues. Their target is the Thinker’s old thinking cap, which is currently being used by the Calculator.

Our heroes fall prey to the Calculator’s powerful psychic attack, and they probably would have all been killed had Impulse not arrived in the nick of time, utilizing the Rainbow Raider’s old tech. Bart snatches the thinking cap off the Calculator and mocks him for talking too much … while he himself launches into an unending monologue on the brilliance of Barry’s plan. Bart talks and talks, ending with “I can’t believe I’m finally holding the ticket to saving Wally.”

As you can suspect, Bart’s incessant talking — at normal speed, mind you — comes back to bite him. Hard. The Calculator pulls out a literal calculator that fires a laser at Bart’s back. Barry and Max saw this attacking coming, and Max did zap the Calculator with Weather Wizard’s old wand, but he was too slow. And thus ends the life of the Future State Bart Allen.

Barry then gets to work replicating the thinking cap in an effort to save the recently corrupted Wally West, who not only stole the speed from the rest of the Flash family, but also killed Wallace. And … that’s all I care about, since none of the rest of the story involves Bart.

Bart Allen has had his fair share of deaths. But this one, by far, is the lamest death he has ever suffered. Killed by a calculator. I guess that’s a slight upgrade to Wallace’s ambiguous off-panel death. This whole story really felt like Brandon Vietti merely trying to trim the fat off the bloated Flash family. I’m a little sad that Bart was eliminated so quickly and unceremoniously, but on the other hand, I’m glad he didn’t have to suffer any longer than necessary in this exhausting retread of Wally accidentally becoming a mass murderer again. But I am actually sad we didn’t see more of the Flash family using the Rogues’ weapons. That is actually an interesting idea. Well, let’s wrap this up with the house ads:

DC Future State: Justice League. To save the world, they must defeat … themselves!

Green Lantern. Graveyard of the Green Lanterns revealed!

Aquaman. No ocean can hold them!

DC Future State: Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman versus the King of the Underworld!

Immortal Wonder Woman. Only Wonder Woman can stop complete cosmic destruction!

Superman/Wonder Woman. Meet the new world’s finest!

DC Nation interview with John Ridley, writer on Future State: The Next Batman.

Next time, Impulse will return to The Flash in issue #768, but in a rather unusual way.

Year in Review: 2020

 I normally start these posts with a quick recap of the year in film, but 2020 really threw things for a loop. After the massive explosion of cinematic and superhero entertainment of 2019, the coronavirus pandemic slammed everything to a grinding halt the following year. Most movies were delayed for a whole year. Some were pushed directly to streaming services like Disney Plus or HBO Max. Theaters kept fluctuating between being closed or open at limited capacity. So, technically speaking, the highest grossing film of the year was the Japanese anime Demon Slayer. But does that really count? Nomadland won the Academy Award for Best Picture, but again, was that a fair competition?

There were three new superhero films in 2020. Marvel’s disastrous New Mutants was very quietly released after being stuck in development hell for years. DC’s Birds of Prey failed to garner much attention and Wonder Woman 1984 opted for an HBO Max release. That was the only of the three that had the potential to be a major blockbuster, and only the executives at Warner Brothers can determine if they made the financially prudent decision. I, for one, was happy to enjoy that movie from the comfort of my own home.

Of course, I’ve been burying the lead here. In 2020, I became a father! My wife gave birth to our son on March 20, just as all the shutdowns began (the hospital literally changed their rules for visitors while we were there). So, in light of all the challenges brought on by the pandemic, one silver lining was my ability to work from home and spend more time with my baby.

And luckily for us, the pandemic had a rather minimal effect on comic books. Apart from a brief hiatus at the beginning, DC continued to publish at a regular pace. And it was especially good for Impulse, since he became a regular in The Flash, as well as Young Justice. Granted, Young Justice took a major nosedive in 2020, ultimately leading to its cancellation in November, but that’s beside the point.

Best Story: The Flash #759

Brian Michael Bendis effectively held Impulse hostage for a full year, culminating in an empty, disappointing issue that focused entirely on Bart, but didn’t answer any questions or advance the plot in any way. Joshua Williamson finally reclaimed Bart and made the right decision in mostly ignoring whatever it was Bendis was trying, but failing to do. The Flash #759 unfortunately had a really stupid cover and not my favorite interior art, either, but the story was the best Impulse story we’ve had in years. I think the last time I was this excited was the debut of Bart in the Young Justice show way back in 2012. Williamson confirmed that Bart remembered being killed as the Flash, gave him an epic fight scene against the Reverse-Flash, and capped it all off with an emotional reunion with Grandma Iris. I couldn’t have asked for more in a single issue.

Best Writer: Joshua Williamson 

Williamson ended his Flash run on an unfortunately sour note by showing that the Reverse-Flash was single-handedly behind every mistake, argument and bad thing that ever happened to anyone in the Flash family. But everything up until that point was pretty good. And Bart’s explosive entrance into the story was more than enough for Williamson to earn this award for the third time. And, frankly, Bendis didn’t put up much of a competition. He got caught in the same pitfall of the Lost TV show, where the only thing he could do was allude to more mysteries and questions, but never answer them, trapped treading water until the series was mercifully taken from him.

Best Artist: John Timms

I was heartbroken when Patrick Gleason left Young Justice. Timms was nowhere near as brilliant, but a very serviceable replacement. Eventually, Timms left, too, and Scott Godlewski proved to be a serviceable replacement of Timms. But still, not quite as good, not nearly as dynamic as what we used to have. (Honestly, it mostly comes down to Timms drawing better Impulse hair than Godlewski.) The Flash books had a slew of artists, but none of them really got it done for me.

Best Supporting Character: Superboy

This is only the third time Superboy has won this award, as he’s almost always been the runner-up. But this year, he stood out head and shoulders above the rest. Part of that is due to Williamson’s failure to do anything meaningful with Impulse after that memorable entrance in issue #759. But part of it is also a credit to Bendis. (I know! I actually said something good about him!) As disappointing as Young Justice #16 was, I did appreciate how it showed that Superboy was hands-down Bart’s best friend on the team. Conner was the one Bart cared about the most and trusted the most. And more than anyone else in Bart’s life — including the Flash family — Conner had the ability to truly empathize with him. He’s the only one who has also experienced the trauma-inducing confusion of repeated deaths, rebirths and being stranded outside of his original reality.

Best Villain: Reverse-Flash

This is the first award for Eobard Thawne, although we have had other members of the Thawne family earn this honor — President Thaddeus Thawne and Inertia (who did reappear in 2020, but didn’t do anything). It’s true, I will never forgive the decision to blame Eobard on everything bad that ever happened to anyone in the Flash family (including keeping Bart away for a year). But I will credit him with orchestrating a large enough threat to warrant the inclusion of all our favorite speedsters. Taking over Barry Allen’s body and corrupting the Tornado Twins is a pretty big deal. Bart had to rescue both his father and his grandfather. And nothing remotely similar can be said about any of the “threats” from Young Justice. Seriously, Bendis, S.T.A.R. Labs is not evil!

Next time, we’ll begin 2021, which is odd because it’s currently July 2021 and I don’t know what the rest of the year holds. Sadly, I do know there are very few comic appearances, as the cancellation of Young Justice and the departure of Williamson has left DC without any creators who want to touch Impulse. But we will see a long overdue live-action version of Bart on the CW’s Flash. And the delayed fourth season of Young Justice is rumored to debut in October. It’s going to be strange catching up to real time on this blog. It all begins with Future State: The Flash #1.

Dark Nights: Death Metal The Last 52: War of the Multiverses #1

Fight!

Joshua Williamson & Scott Snyder Writers

Dexter Soy pgs. 1-10 & Scott Koblish pgs. 75-80 Artists

Veronica Gandini Colorist

Tom Napolitano Letterer

Our cover by Dan Mora is a perfect reflection of the incomprehensible insanity of this story. Snyder just threw hundreds of characters into the pot to fight against hundreds more of corrupted versions of themselves. And they just fight and fight and fight. Not one bit of it makes any sense. And very little of this story — if you can even call it a story — appeals to me. Mainly because Impulse has not been involved at all. And this cover is a good reminder of that. Barry, Wally and Jay are present. But no Bart.

Bart does make a brief cameo in the main story of this issue, which focuses on Wonder Woman’s battle against The Batman Who Laughs. We briefly see Bart standing with Arrowette, who brags about bringing a lot of arrows to take down the approaching horde of evil Robins. But I think this glimpse of Impulse was a mistake, because we later see him make a “dramatic” entrance with the other speedsters who stayed behind in the Speed Force back in Speed Metal.

And that’s it. The long promised arrival of reinforcement speedsters was woefully underwhelming. And also besieged by editorial mistakes. Jay addresses Jesse, who wasn’t even speaking, and then specifically calls out Max and Avery, but not Bart. This is a level of sloppiness that is far beneath Joshua Williamson’s standards. In fact, if it weren’t for yet another diatribe about how awful Heroes in Crisis was, I’d suspect Williamson wasn’t involved at all. (Wally had to briefly confront an evil version of himself who was filled with bloodlust after killing all those people at the Sanctuary.)

I’m not mad at this story. Just disappointed. An army of speedsters is potentially the most powerful thing in the universe. But here, they were presented as nothing stronger than a couple of people with a bow and arrow. It’s a common problem with stories like this and try to involve everybody. The endless battle invariably reduces all characters to identical clones of each other who just fight and fight and fight, never doing anything unique or interesting.

The good news is we are now officially done with Dark Nights: Obnoxious Title. So let’s wrap up this post (and the year 2020) with some house ads:

DC Future State: The Next Batman. Hunted by the magistrate!

Dark Detective. The original Batman meets the next Batman!

Batman/Superman: The Dark Knight must save the Man of Steel from a powered-up Professor Pyg!

DC Future State: Superman: House of El. Being super runs in the family!

Superman of Metropolis. If these Kryptonians clash, nothing can save the city!

Superman: Worlds of War. It’s the main event: Superman versus Mongul!

Superman vs. Imperious Lex. Superman and Lois against the universe! Could the last days of Lexor be here already?!

Kara Zor-El: Superwoman. The Fortress of Solitude under siege!

Next time, we’ll hand out the awards for 2020, before jumping into Future State: The Flash #1.

Dark Nights: Death Metal The Secret Origin #1

Secret Origin

Scott Snyder and Geoff Johns Writers

Jerry Ordway (pp 1-7, 35-38) • Francis Manapul (pp 8-13, 32-34) • Ryan Benjamin & Richard Friend (pp 14-21) • Paul Pelletier & Norm Rapmund (pp 22-31) Artists

Hi-Fi (pp 1-7, 35-38) • Ian Herring (pp 8-13, 32-34) • Rain Beredo (pp 14-21) • Adriano Lucas (pp 22-31) Colorists

Rob Leigh Letterer

Ivan Regis, Joe Prado, & Alex Sinclair Cover

Gary Frank & Brad Anderson Variant Cover

Andrew Marino Editor

Superman created by Jerry Siegel with Joe Shuster. By special arrangement with the Jerry Siegel family.

Our cover shows Superboy-Prime battling The Batman Who Laughs (or as Prime calls him, The Batman Who Barfs).This is a solid, dynamic cover, bringing me back to the old Infinite Crisis days. It also answers the question of what to do when confronted by an impossibly invincible villain — you throw another impossibly invincible villain at him.

This story makes no sense, and it really doesn’t involve Impulse, so we’re not going to worry about it too much. Suffice it say, Superboy-Prime has been recruited to battle The Batman Who Laughs and the 52 evil worlds he has created. Prime is shunned by heroes and villains alike, especially our own Superboy, Conner Kent. Curiously, though, Krypto has taken a liking to this somber, reflective Superboy-Prime, even though Prime nearly killed the dog back in Infinite Crisis.

Anyway, The Batman Who Laughs actually seems kind of scared by Superboy-Prime and tries to cut him a deal, offering to give him his own world where he is accepted and loved as a hero. I’m not sure if The Batman plants this image in Prime’s head, or if it’s just Prime using his own imagination, but either way, we see a happy world that oddly includes the original Teen Titans, members of the Green Lantern Corps and our lovable Impulse.

But Superboy-Prime refuses the offer and ultimately destroys all the evil worlds created by The Batman Who Laughs. The effort of this fantastic feat kills Superboy-Prime, but he suddenly wakes up in his old bedroom, reading this very comic book. Unlike the last time he was sent back home and everybody knew all the horrific things he did, this world seems to have been reset to before Superboy-Prime’s crimes. His friends and family still love him, and he even still has his powers, making this the perfect paradise for this troubled character.

I like how Superboy-Prime’s vision of an ideal world shows him happily frolicking with the very heroes who imprisoned him during Infinite Crisis — first the Flash family, then the Green Lanterns. But I wish we could have had a reminder of how Superboy-Prime is terrified of Bart Allen. And I always wish that somebody at DC had the courage to tell the story of how Prime escaped the Speed Force and acquired the Anti-Monitor armor. But we’ll never get that. As for Superboy-Prime’s “redemption” — I’m not opposed to it, but I don’t think this issue was big enough to do justice to an event that monumental. Overlooking the insane incomprehensibleness of this Death Metal story, what we got in this issue was actually pretty nice — especially the Francis Manapul and Paul Pelletier art, as always.

Now for the new house ads:

DC Future State: Teen Titans. Meet the new Nightwing and his partner … Red X. 

The Flash. Can the fastest men alive outrun their destiny? (A version of Bart Allen will appear in this one.)

Legion of Super-Heroes. A Legionnaire betrays the entire galaxy!

Shazam! The power of Shazam corrupted and possessed by Raven!

DC Future State: Harley Quinn. She’ll have to secure her freedom and the future of Gotham!

Suicide Squad. Peacemaker goes to war with the Justice League!

Swamp Thing. He must wipe out humanity to save the planet.

Happy holidays from DC. Enjoy the season wherever you are in the multiverse!

Next time might be our final stop in the sprawling, obnoxiously titled Death Metal event. Unless Bart’s cameo is too small to be worth mentioning. In that case, we’ll skip ahead to Future State.

Dark Nights: Death Metal The Last Stories of the DC Universe #1

Together

Written by: Joshua Williamson, James Tynion IV, Scott Snyder

Art by: Travis Moore

Colors by: Tamra Bonvillain

Letters by: Andworld Design

Our cover by Tula Lotay with Dee Cunniffe is a bleak, rather ugly image of some of the most famous former Teen Titans surveying the wreckage of Dark Nights: Death Metal Obnoxious Title. Wally is dressed in his weird, blue Metron suit here, but he’s not in the inside story. That’s a tiny continuity complaint within a larger series (and company, frankly) that has turned its back on the very idea of a shared-universe continuity. How did all of our favorite characters get to this point from the last time we saw them? Nobody knows and nobody cares. Scott Snyder’s bloated “metal” story will not be diminished!

The main story of this comic bookends six separate stories about various heroes spending what may be their last day on Earth, in preparation of their final battle against the Batman Who Laughs. They’re all fairly forgettable vignettes, except for the Superman story told by Impulse creator Mark Waid and one of my favorite artists of all time, Francis Manapul. And that story is enough to justify the cost of picking up this comic. Impulse, however, is not involved in that story, but only the framework of the comic, so let’s get started.

We begin on what once was Themyscria, but now has become The Hellscape after the destruction caused by the Batman Who Laughs. Donna Troy is sitting on the beach feeling sorry for herself, until Beast Boy arrives and shows her that almost every former Teen Titan has gathered together for one last time. As Beast Boy and Donna work their way through the crowd, we’re given glimpses (reminders? memories?) of previous incarnations of the Teen Titans, including Bart Allen’s first stint as Kid Flash and the disastrous Bar Torr era of the New 52.

Wally West arrives fashionably late, and for a moment, everyone think Donna is going to fight him. But they just hug instead, while Bart awkwardly says that he should have told everyone he saw Wally before he left the Speed Force. But nobody responds to Bart because nobody cares — just as the three writers of this story don’t care about how Bart left the Speed Force or what happened to the rest of the Flash family. But we do get plenty of speeches on hope and perseverance (I’m looking at you, Joshua Williamson) before closing with a heroic shot of dozens of characters charging off to fight a vast, vague, nearly invincible force.

I guess the main point of this issue was simply to remind readers that all these characters used to exist and do things. Now, many of them do exist, but they’re not really doing anything. Like Arrowette, for example. She’s here, standing around silently, waiting for a giant action sequence that may or may not include her in the background of one or two massive group shots. We may as well be looking at statues in the Flash Museum.

I wish I felt something for this event. Back in the day, DC used to integrate their big events into the individual monthly titles. Even lame events like Genesis were reflected in the regular issues of Impulse. I wish Brian Michael Bendis’ Young Justice tied into this Death Metal nonsense. While investigating the major reality shift they all experienced, our heroes could have stumbled across this dumb, but significant continuity-altering crisis. At least that way, I would have actually been invested in this story, instead of merely saying, “Look, somebody drew Impulse in a comic book!” Let’s close with the new ads:

Future State: Wonder Woman. An Amazon warrior for a new age!

Future State: Superman of Metropolis. The son of Superman is the all-new Man of Steel!

DC Nation spotlight on Batman Black & White.

Next time: More Death Metal! Yay …

Young Justice #20

Final Justice

Brian Michael Bendis and David Walker Writers

Scott Godlewski Art

Gabe Eltaeb Colors

Wes Abbott Letters

John Timms and Gabe Eltaeb Cover

Derrick Chew Variant Cover

Bixie Mathieu Assistant Editor

Brittany Holzherr Editor

Jamie S. Rich Group Editor

Superboy created by Jerry Siegel.

By special arrangement with the Jerry Siegel family.

Our cover is a pretty nice, pretty standard pose of the entire team, including the Wonder Twins and Dial H for Hero kids, whom I guess would fall under the “part-time” status? Amethyst is also here right up front, pretending that she hasn’t been missing since issue #15. Naomi takes the spotlight, which makes sense, since she’s really the only character on this cover with a future (her own CW show). Everyone looks good, living up to John Timms’ standard. However, for the life of me, I have no idea why Teen Lantern has placed her green energy around Impulse. I also have to scoff a little at the promise of a “thrilling conclusion.”

Our variant cover (from dc.fandom.com) is an odd, moody collage that puts strange emotions on some of the characters. Why is Robin looming ominously over everyone? Why has Naomi turned her back on the team (other than to go star on the CW without them)? Why is Superboy not only front and center, but isolated from the group? And why is Impulse so small?!

Our story begins with a recap page that uses the same image I posted last issue of Poseidon attacking Wonder Girl and her friends, while Bart sneaks in a few more bites of his burger. Here’s the text that engages in only a small amount of revisionist history:

“Robin, Superboy, Impulse, Amethyst, Spoiler, Wonder Girl, Jinny Hex, Naomi, and Teen Lantern have come together with Dial H and the Wonder Twins as Young Justice!

“Young Justice took down the once great, but now evil, science corporation S.T.A.R. Labs, escaped a harrowing adventure through the multiverse, saved Gemworld from its evil oppressor, and teamed up with the Justice League to take down the Legion of Doom once and for all.

“In doing so, the entire group found out a lot of things about their past and their responsibilities to the future and each other.”

If that were a Wikipedia entry, I would have added several “citation needed” notes. But that’s OK. We know what really happened. And what is happening now in the story, is Teen Lantern courageously standing between an unseen assailant and her defeated teammates. To find out how we got here, we need to go back in time 33 minutes.

Robin, Superboy, Wonder Girl and Impulse have decided to take Naomi, Amethyst, Jinny Hex, Spoiler and Teen Lantern to Mount Justice, which Tim dubs as the “unofficial official headquarters of Young Justice.” He explains that technically, it’s a Justice League facility, but Young Justice is allowed to use it, as long as they clean up after themselves. This prompts Cassie to chastise Bart for leaving big messes around, but Bart blames Conner, calling him the “sloppiest Kent.” Conner calls Bart the most annoying speedster, who says “that is saying something,” before realizing he just burned himself.

Tim begins the tour, but Bart immediately dubs him boring. Conner shows off the fully stocked kitchen, but Bart thinks the gluten-free options are gross. Cassie begins to explain the purpose of the meeting room, but Bart points out that it’s self-explanatory. He begs to show off the secret water tunnel, connecting their pool to the ocean, but the new girls are more interested in the Red Tornado, who is oddly standing motionless under a light.

Bart proudly proclaims the Red Tornado to be the most sophisticated android in the entire multiverse. Jinny, perplexed, calls him the Red Tomato, but Teen Lantern is surprisingly a big fan. Robin and Superboy explain how Red was basically their babysitter, while Impulse wonders aloud why the android appears to be sleeping. Spoiler references the book “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?”, which Bart claims to have not read, despite bragging about having traveled the entirety of the space-time continuum. (Either Bart is joking or he has forgotten that he did read the entire San Francisco Public Library back in the day.)

Bart points out that even if he was recharging, Red Tornado should have reacted to their presence by now. Of course, Bart seems even more surprised that Red has a huge fan in Keli. Bart jokes that it’s more understandable for the Blue Devil to have fans. He then touches Red Tornado, who immediately activates and attacks the group, calling them trespassers.

His initial blast knocked out Impulse, Amethyst and Jinny Hex. Superboy tries to order Red Tornado to stand down, but he mechanically orders the “intruders” to surrender before knocking out Conner and Cassie. Naomi takes a swing at him, but his knocked out, too. Robin and Spoiler coordinate a tag-team attack, but that doesn’t work, either.

And so that brings us back to the beginning, with Teen Lantern inexplicably the only hero left. And even more inexplicably, Teen Lantern completely dismantles Red Tornado in a single blast. Suddenly, John Stewart arrives, saying he should have confiscated Keli’s ring when he first saw her three days ago in what has now been titled the Battle of Shuster Park. Keli argues that she’s earned it, and the rest of Young Justice immediately wakes up to back her up. So John agrees to let her keep the Green Lantern ring, as long she repairs Red Tornado and meets with him at the Hall of Justice.

Robin, Superboy and Impulse then decide it’s time to call a “secret team meeting,” which turns out to be just hanging around a campfire outside the cave, along with Dial H and the Wonder Twins. And although the page says “Never the end!”, this is the end of this series.

What a waste. Such a disappointing end to a colossally disappointing series. I mean, why did we even come back to Mount Justice? Just to give Teen Lantern a little moment? Yeah, we saw Red Tornado, but he didn’t actually speak to the gang. Does he even remember them? We could have had some great callbacks to the original series. But no. Instead, we got ... nothing. Absolutely nothing. This issue was just a space filler. DC told Bendis he’d have to end at issue 20, and he clearly didn’t know what to do. So we got the laziest of references to the “good ol’ days,” and Amethyst was suddenly brought back as if she hadn’t been missing since issue 15. Oh, and let’s throw in Dial H for Hero and the Wonder Twins, too, just because. They all fell under Bendis’ strange Wonder Comics experiment that sadly fizzled out to the disappointment of all.

Dial H and Wonder Twins were wonderful comics. But they were never going to have a huge audience — especially with the (wrong) impression that they existed outside of mainstream DC continuity. This wasn’t true, but it seems like most of the creators at DC believed it to be true, as there was an incredible reluctance to use these characters in any other book. With Young Justice, that never should have been a problem. But it was. And, sadly, many of these characters will slide right back into obscurity.

This series started off with so much hope and promise. It was bright, bold, colorful and exciting. But then Patrick Gleason left, and Bendis began throwing more and more characters at us and more and more questions that would never be answered. I think it’s fair to say at this point that Bendis never was able to answer all the dozens of questions he brought up. Perhaps he felt he’d be able to figure things out eventually, but he never got around to it. It also seems like his knowledge of DC history and continuity was severely lacking. I suspect David Walker was brought in at the end to try to clean up Bendis’ mistakes. But there wasn’t much he could do.

Now we’re back to hoping and praying that someone will revive this series — or at the characters — and actually give them some room to breathe. In the meantime, let’s close with the new house ads:

Lobo stars in the most gratuitous tie-in of all! Dark Nights: Death Metal Infinite Hour Exxxtreme!

Get to know DC’s breakout character of 2020! Punchline #1. (Was she really a breakout character, or did DC just hype her up a lot?)

And we end with what may be the last DC Nation Spotlight on Teen Wonders.

Next time? Well, I’m not exactly sure. Bart allegedly made a few appearances in some of the Death Metal books. So we’ll see what I can find. Until then, keep praying for some good Impulse stories!